Having an AFFAIR with WOULD'VE...COULD'VE...& SHOULD'VE....

I am sitting here contemplating the in's and out's of relationships and just had to share my thoughts. Have you ever saw a brand new shiny car and on the outside it looks GREAT?! It has the look of new possibilities and a smooth means of transportation to wherever you may fancy your heart to go! You go to open up the door and all kinds of McDonald's bags...Wendy's cups...Soda cans...etc..begin to fall out:) You ever see the show "Hoarders" & they call for help and want to get the help to come out of the clutter yet once the process begins...they begin to scream and cry? We tend to "hoard" things because of "possibilities". It is the issue of "would've"..."could've"...& "should've". This is how we work in relationships! OK so just in case someone tries to get caught up in their feelings thinking it's about someone or something in particular, I'm going to turn around to the wall because I'm actually talking about myself! :)
Isn't it amazing how we often would like to come out of the affair with our baggage but once someone comes into our "space" to sort of help us work through it, we SCREAM & CRY like a baby missing his/her teddy bear? Isn't it amazing how we can meet people and on the outside they look good and can really be a great person but once in front of that judge, to get the paperwork started on a life as one or once moved in together to try to create a long term relationship, all of the "soda cans"..."McDonald's bags"...& "Wendy's containers" begin to fall out & show itself? Just in case you are in denial about having baggage, I'll go ahead and let you know that we all do. Some more than others. It is inevitable to pick up things along the way in this life. The question is, are you willing to let it go and how do you go about letting it go? First, one must acknowledge that it's there. I am finding out quite a few things about myself that have always been there but I simply didn't see it or refused to see it. Don't get me wrong, there are some great people that have baggage. You can be educated. You can have the greatest fashion sense. You can have a good heart but still have baggage. This doesn't mean that WE are trashy. It simply means that we've  been to different places in this life. Just like a random trip on a Saturday morning, you can look in your backseat and passenger seat and see the results of where you've been for that day. The same works in our lives. It is VERY important not to rush into forcing a relationship when meeting someone. It takes time and patience to come to an understanding of who a person truly is. I know of people that have been married for years and still are surprised by some things that they find out about their spouse. It's just a personal opinion of mine that I'd like to slow and steadily learn my mate without the distraction of trying to live up to society's definition of me becoming more valuable because of instantly holding the title of "wife". I hope this make sense. This crossed my mind due to something I was watching & a discussion that I've had with several individuals. It is wise to slow down and take a closer look at the internal aspect of a person instead of focusing on the external. It is in my experience that while I've never been married, I've tried to "portray" a image during several toxic relationships to society while on the inside I was slowly dying. It is important that we take into consideration whether or not we can truly deal with the baggage that most of us bring to the table. Some have bigger trash cans than others! Which is more important to you....your sanity or appeasing what society thinks is "acceptable"? I used to think that pleasing society and living up to this "image" was the choice until I found myself physically and emotionally drained and wounded. Oftentimes when we meet people with baggage who DON'T want help, they dump onto us and we therefore become loaded down with ADDITIONAL junk! There's also the circumstance of being able to handle it and working through it together which is a blessing if found! It's not easy to find a STEADY & GENUINE love that embraces the concept of facing each trial together even when the EMOTIONS contradict it. Anyway, that's it:) Thanks for reading! Hope this finds each of you in high spirits:)

Peace,Love, & Blessings

Nata Bee

copyright © 2011 Renate' Bender