Those ole chains...

"Why me God"? This is a question that SHE asks her self time and time again. The bondage of her past clings to her like the residue of a cheap bandaid long removed. SHE often thinks about where it all began. Why do those rusty ole chains rattle the loudest when dealing with the opposite sex? He says..."Trust me boo. I will never hurt you!". SHE looks deep in his eyes and nods in agreement wanting so badly to believe but her thoughts SCREAM..." Negro please! Yeah right! I can't trust you! You say this but the last one said the same....as a matter of fact, the one before said the same..." Her mind then reverts back to the very first relationship that set the standard of all men....her father. Nothing much to say there. As a matter of fact....SHE can't remember the last time SHE's even spoken to her father. Wait....yes SHE does...the conversation went something to the effect of.."You know I love you right. I know its been years but you know how my new wife is so I sort of have to sneak and talk to you." Yeah that was YEARS ago. I guess the Mrs. caught on. Anyway, yeah that was her first sneak peak! The lesson there was....men aren't dependable....they don't keep their word *first link is formed*.
While SHE knows that placing a vast generalization on such a complex group of people is wrong...those chains beg to differ. Then there was that one time where her 15 y.o. heart just knew that SHE found love only to have it shattered by his fist to her face and later disintegrated by his betrayal of creating a child with another. The lesson there was...men aren't faithful...they are abusive *second link is formed*.
Wait...what about that one time where she was new in town and had no friends at her high school. SHE then met him. He was her friend. No sex...no games...just friendship. He was genuine! After all he kept his word and even shared the same love of God as SHE. Finally! A guy that proved the rest wrong....until he picked her up from her part-time job late one night and said he needed to talk. SHE thought...Sure! Why not!? You're my friend...I can trust you...right? As he drove towards unfamiliar territory, SHE asks "where are we going?" He says..."Sit back and relax....I have alot on my chest and just need a friend to talk to." SHE feels a quick tinge of fear but quickly brushes it off as paranoia. This is her friend...her only friend...so why are her red flags raised? SHE chuckles nervously & turns up the radio. He then pulls into an area with alot of trees. SHE looks around and says nervously..."what's on your mind friend?" He stares at her with a blank look & mumbles "You are." She now knows why her flags were raised yet as a last glimmer of hope she smiles and says..."Stop playin now. I'm listening. What's up?" He reaches over and pushes her seat back. Her reflex kicks in and SHE reaches for the door. He grabs her hand and says..."I'd hate for you to be out there not knowing where you are and how to get home so relax...it's me." He shoves his foul tongue down her throat and forces her bottoms down. She screams, "NO! STOP!!" but the screams are useless...he is determined. He smashes her face with his hands and proceeds to...."talk". The tears stream down her face as he "talks" and reveals to her his "concerns". Once the "conversation" is over he looks at her and says..."I really do hope this doesn't change things between us." I'd hate for you to not have a way to run your errands,get to work, or anyone to talk to at school...you know things like that." SHE just stares at him. SHE decides right then and there to never tell anyone because just maybe SHE did want to and just maybe SHE imagined that it was forced. SHE gets home and the reality hits her like a mack truck. SHE sits on her bed draped in the stench of his "conversation" and let the tears fall. That cry came from within the depths of her soul. A cry so wrenching that SHE ceased to breath for a few seconds. The lesson there was...men and women can't be platonic friends *third link is formed*
SHE snaps out of her thoughts, comes back to the present moment and looks into his eyes and continues to nod vigorously at this guy asking for her trust...hoping and believing that this time may be different...moreso trying to convince herself rather than him. SHE ignores the loud rattle of those ole chains and everynight prays to God to break them. SHE refuses to make every man pay for her past. Something in her keeps pressing forward in hopes that those ole chains will be cut. SHE often meditates on the words..."WOMAN THOU ART LOOSED". Oh the day when SHE comes out of bondage! Her heart will dance! SHE praises her creator within her chains because SHE knows that when the praises go up the blessings come down! SHE knows that if she does what SHE can, her creator will do what SHE can't. SHE knows that without those experiences, SHE wouldn't be the woman that SHE is today. Who is SHE you may ask. SHE is a queen. As a flower in bloom,her beauty is shown. In times of hardship, SHE unashamedly calls out his name....the Alpha AND Omega. Her spirituality is the essence of her individuality. SHE never forgets her past or where she has come from but SHE refuses to allow her past to be her prison. SHE is invincible through her master designer. He created her in his image. SHE holds her head held high despite it all. SHE knows that weeping only endures for a night but joy comes in the morning. Those ole chains are not her master! The enemy thought he had the perfect setup for a setback but God made it her comeback. He used it to mold her into EXACTLY who SHE is meant to be. SHE is fearfully and wonderfully made.

I really hope that this has helped someone. It's time to break those ole chains ladies & gentlemen. Lets continue to uplift each other instead of diminishing one another. You never know what the next woman's story is. Don't add to her "links" Walk in love.

Peace, Love, & Blessings

Nata Bee

copyright © 2011 Renate' Bender

Pictures have the tendency to speak volumes...

The following pictures portray "real" people from different eras. Pictures have the ability to  SAY alot of things. What message do you receive from each picture? What has changed outside of SOME of the styles? Enjoy!

Forgiveness is freedom...

In the midst of what I deemed my most horrible tribulation. I opened my eyes hoping to see my circumstances clearer, but the tears blurred my vision. Completely helpless, I did the only thing left in my power...I forgave.



The following blog is inspired by something that I did this past weekend. I won't go into detail but I do know that it wasn't something that I would've normally done. I will say that I pro-actively sought forgiveness for a part that I played in a major hurtful experience. I really don't know what came over me but I felt that it was necessary for me to mature mentally and spiritually. Everything in me was SCREAMING..."Why should you do that?!"..."You did nothing wrong?"..."You look weak!" The truth of the matter is, I've triumped because there was something lifted within me after I did it. Do you have a giant in your life that's called unforgiveness or bitterness? This isn't easy to admit but I battle that giant constantly & daily. I know I am not alone. There are so many that hold grudges and harbor unforgiveness. Sometimes we battle this affliction for so long that we often forget or aren't even aware that it's there. I completely get it. When people hurt us or do something that we don't like, it's like death! That thing called betrayal is also the worst! Especially when its done by someone who's close to you & you love. This can be a friend, family member or significant other. It's often labled as "The Judas Kiss". It's my personal opinion that this experience is one of the most painfuls things to endure but when its all said in done, we are required to forgive. It seems soooo unfair to forgive. We often fight against it because we feel like they've "gotten away with it" if we do that. The reality of it all though is that forgiveness is for our benefit. I know for a fact that we only hurt ourselves when we harbor hate and unforgiveness. What sense does it make to spend the next ten years of your life hurting yourself as a result of someone who's hurt you? There's also those relationships with individuals that you have to practice a continual forgiveness with. These are the people that you work to forgive over and over. This is often due to different outlooks on life, personality differences,etc.. I know alot about this as well. Sometimes people simply "bump heads" but love each other enough to want to continue to be a part of each other's life. This is often seen within families and friendships. In the bible, Peter asked how many times should we fogive...7x's? Jesus answered 7 x 7. In the bible this number was a representation of perfection. This basically means infinity. Forgiveness is greatly emphasized in the bible because it's important towards our walk with God. The truth is when we harbor a grudge,unforgiveness, & hate, our heart is not seen as pure. You'll hear from God more clearly once pure in heart. Trust and believe that I know how hard it can be to forgive! I pray on it everyday. I find that if a person is earnest towards achieving forgiveness of others and constantly pray on it, he'll cause a steady growth within you to achieve this.  It is important to guard our heart because out of it flows life. Pray for your enemies. Immediately pray when you become offended by someone. Being offended keeps us from moving forward. The word "offense" comes from the Greek word, "skandalon". Skandalon was a part/piece within an animal trap. A bait was laid on it to lure and TRAP the victims. Being offended is a trap. It gets you caught up in the same offense over and over. From personal experience, when I am badly hurt by something or someone, I constantly think about it. I get up and it's basically on rewind within my mind. I constantly talk about it whether people want to hear it or not. Lol! It's basically like I'm rehearsing it over and over. It's time to LET IT GO.  The more that you talk about something, The deeper that it's rooted. The deeper it's rooted,the harder it is to get rid of but it is possible. We block the complete presence of God when we harbor that poison. There's nothing we need more than the presence of God. In his presence is fullness of joy. You won't have great quality of life with unforgiveness.  It's an everyday process to forgive. You have to constantly CHOOSE to do this. So many times we're often educated way beyond our level of obedience. I say this because I know many of us say " The Lord's Prayer". Within that prayer we ask him to "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". Now, how many of us truly forgive those that have hurt us deeply? You do know that he does forgive us as we fogive others right? This means if we haven't truly forgiven others then we are not forgiven. Some of you may be in denial and say, "I'm not harboring unforgiveness". If that's the case, then good for you but to truly check your heart, ask yourself the following questions: Do you pray blessings for them? Are you truly happy when you hear that they are being blessed? Do you find yourself rehashing a certain offense of one person and placing it on different people or circumstances? Example: All men/women are liars and are selfish because *beep* was that way. Also do you get just as angry about the offense like you did when it first happened?  Be real with yourself. I'm sure you know the answers to those questions. Good for you if you can honestly say you've forgiven everyone who's offended you! We simply cannot afford to be mad at each other. People sometimes don't know the extent of their actions while others do. How many times have you hurt someone and didn't know it or care & they went away deeply wounded? Think about that when you harbor anger. Learn to give what you want to receive. This is a raging battle among many. Sometimes you may have an off day & everything hurts your feelings. Ask for revelation. Learn to recognize this & just avoid certain situations. I've gotten good at that. I'll sort of go into solitude. You won't see or hear from me on social networks or whatnot because I'm refocusing and meditating. I do this because, I don't want to have a distorted interpretation of different actions and conversations due to being caught up in my feelings. Know that when we let anger move into our heart that it causes love to grow cold in our hearts. Please don't mistake me for saying that all relationships can be restored or that people can become best friends & "buddy buddy". That won't be the case all of the time but it really does bring peace. In Life we all have to endure hurt and pain, for that is what defines who we are. We tend to hold onto those past hurt and pains….oh what a burden that is to carry. It’s those burdens that cause bitterness….hate….anger…sleepless nights. It causes a heart to become heartless, a heart that is so cold, that it’s afraid to love and except love in return.  Keep in mind that forgiveness activates your faith as well as causes your prayers to actually reach the father because the heart has become cleaned. I know some will argue that we can't help how we feel but who said we were simply made of feelings? Until we can learn to do what's right while it still FEELS wrong, we will continue to struggle and not pass that particular test. Whenever you stand praying,if you have anything against anyone, let it GO.  Where there's unity, there's blessing and annointing. You can't pray the prayer of agreement with someone that you're constantly judging, criticizing, & talking about behind their back. Let's learn to let it go even WITHOUT the apology of the other person. I promise you won't regret it. Contrary to popular belief, you're not weak, you're EMPOWERED. Take your power back. Forgiveness is freedom! It matters not if the world has heard or approves or understands, the only applause we are meant to seek is that of the nail-scarred hands. Selah.

Peace, Love, and Blessings,

Nata Bee

copyright © 2011 Renate' Bender

What is love?

As of lately, I've pondered the dynamics of romantic love. Love has the power to either make you feel like you're on top of the world or that the world is on top of you. What's your definition of love? People all over the world strive to obtain it. Some PRETEND to have it while others have actually experienced it or are experiencing it. Some claim to love but constantly disrespect, abuse,etc the person on the receiving end. Some claim to love but find comfort in the downfall or weakness of the person that they love. Upon first reading that, you may say, ok that's too easy to figure out, that's obviously not love but you'd be surprised at how many experience this or demonstrate it through their actions. We have a bad habit of SAYING one thing but DOING another. I know that true & genuine"love" is very hard to come by. I'm talking about the unconditional...unbiased...unselfish...type of romantic love that many claim to have yet their actions speak the opposite. I've known some to say that true love(romantic) doesn't really exist. That it's basically a understanding between individuals who share common goals and beliefs such as kids,culture,etc..  Quiet as it's kept and of course this is an opinion....I believe that if you believe in romantic love and have truly experienced love...that you never truly stop loving a person. You may learn to live without them but I believe that there is always a true,genuine love within your heart that doesn't go away. Now that doesn't mean that you overlook the reasons why the person may not be in your life or that you may want to be with them but I do believe that there is something within each of us that is reserved for that individual. I just don't think it goes away. If it does, I don't think it was love. I think it may have been lust,infatuation, or even just a strong "like". Those feelings fall in the variable category that is often influenced by circumstances. I believe that love is constant. I don't think one can really thoroughly describe love through words but moreso through actions which is why my mindset in the now is, "don't give me a speech...give me a show". In the past, I've often fallen for the "gift of gab" type of men. The talk sounded great but at the end of the day, there was simply no action to back it up. There was always a " I was about to do such and such BUT...". In my teens this swept me off of my feet but as I've gotten older, to be honest it irritates me because I put those "intentions" in the "excuses" & "pipe dreams" files. I'm this way because I know personally that if I want to really do and achieve a certain goal, I don't talk, I just do it by any means necessary. I let my actions talk for me. The men that I've dated, have all seemed to be the same way regarding the "go-getter" attitude when it came to their own personal goals so when it came to a circumstance involving me, I expect the same rules to apply. Of course this isn't a male bashing blog but simply an evaluation of my past experiences with love. They weren't bad guys. At the time, I believe I really didn't value myself enough to believe that I actually deserved the best from them. I didn't say that to them but my ACTIONS did. People, you can say what sounds good all day long but if your actions don't coincide with what you are saying, guess what will speak the loudest? Your ACTIONS. My experiences have taught me to be careful how I set my table because it often determines who sits down at it. Don't be afraid to have STANDARDS, MORALS, & VALUES. Don't be afraid to stand up for these standards, morals, and values. I'm no longer afraid to say up front that a man needs to have a healthy relationship with God, have a stable job, own place, own car, no significant others in any form or fashion, knows and PRACTICES the principles of courtship,the ability to remain CONSTANT in their actions, respect, loyal, honest, great hygiene, open mind, morals, dignity, unselfishness, a mind to back up his words,goals, & be PRO-active. Don't be fooled by the order of those qualities. They're all on the same level for me which is PRIORITY. I feel that as women we often lower our standards to appease the men in our lives. There is a difference between compromise and settling. Settling means going against your core values while compromise is a form of submission or meeting halfway about an issue that doesn't go against core values. Core values include respect,dignity,spiritual relationship,etc.. An example of settling would be dating a guy that you know is emotionally unavailable with the expectation that he could possibly change if you love him enough or dating a guy that's verbally and physically abusive. Those are examples of settling. An example of comprimise is allowing your mate to leave their shoes at the door when you "strongly" feel that they should be in the closet or letting your mate have a guys night. These situations don't go against your core values. Ladies & Gentlemen if you seek to get married & create a family & the person of interest within your life doesn't place that value on the same level as you, please don't settle. Also, if you value family over career, please don't choose a mate that values career over family & vice versa. If this is ignored,It really does create a problem later. I believe the issue that most have in the field of love is that they really don't know what they want. What is your definition of a good man/woman? What is your classification of a "real man/woman"? To touch on my list above, I've personally learned that I like a man that doesn't mind "getting his hands dirty". One that doesn't mind manual labor. One that is actually masculine. I've come across a few "feline" menfolk. Now, this may be wonderful for some women but it's personally a turn-off for me. I personally like a man that can protect me if the need arises. I'm capable of protecting myself but I've been with guys that actually weren't capable of standing up for my dignity. I like the feeling of security with my mate. There's also the priority of being a provider. This is a REQUIREMENT for me. If a man can't be a provider, then his focus surely shouldn't be on a relationship. His goal should be finding a career with an official payroll department. Men please don't even date if you can't afford to take a woman out from time to time. I'm not the type that needs to go out everyday of the week but I don't want to be bashed for wanting to go out to eat, take a vacation or catch a movie more than once every six months. I'm blessed to be able to do this for myself so you should be able to do the same if not more. As a matter of fact you should want to. Have something to bring to the table. I feel the same about women. Women if you don't have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of, don't require a man to drive only a benz when you don't even have a 10 speed bike. Get real! I also love a man that respects their parents. If this is not present,It's definitely a deal breaker for me because trust and believe that a person who doesn't respect their parents, doesn't respect themselves or anyone else for that matter. Ok after saying all that, I'd like to include that noone walking this earth is perfect BUT know what your "dealbreakers" are. If you don't know what they are, change your goal from "finding the one" to "finding yourself". You have to learn to love yourself enough to know who you should keep in your life and stop making excuses for people. As a good friend once said, "Once I know me, I can stop doing what's bad for me":) Anyway, I've babbled long enough. Feel free to give your input if you have any.

Peace, Love, & Blessings,

Nata Bee