Those ole chains...

"Why me God"? This is a question that SHE asks her self time and time again. The bondage of her past clings to her like the residue of a cheap bandaid long removed. SHE often thinks about where it all began. Why do those rusty ole chains rattle the loudest when dealing with the opposite sex? He says..."Trust me boo. I will never hurt you!". SHE looks deep in his eyes and nods in agreement wanting so badly to believe but her thoughts SCREAM..." Negro please! Yeah right! I can't trust you! You say this but the last one said the same....as a matter of fact, the one before said the same..." Her mind then reverts back to the very first relationship that set the standard of all men....her father. Nothing much to say there. As a matter of fact....SHE can't remember the last time SHE's even spoken to her father. Wait....yes SHE does...the conversation went something to the effect of.."You know I love you right. I know its been years but you know how my new wife is so I sort of have to sneak and talk to you." Yeah that was YEARS ago. I guess the Mrs. caught on. Anyway, yeah that was her first sneak peak! The lesson there was....men aren't dependable....they don't keep their word *first link is formed*.
While SHE knows that placing a vast generalization on such a complex group of people is wrong...those chains beg to differ. Then there was that one time where her 15 y.o. heart just knew that SHE found love only to have it shattered by his fist to her face and later disintegrated by his betrayal of creating a child with another. The lesson there was...men aren't faithful...they are abusive *second link is formed*.
Wait...what about that one time where she was new in town and had no friends at her high school. SHE then met him. He was her friend. No sex...no games...just friendship. He was genuine! After all he kept his word and even shared the same love of God as SHE. Finally! A guy that proved the rest wrong....until he picked her up from her part-time job late one night and said he needed to talk. SHE thought...Sure! Why not!? You're my friend...I can trust you...right? As he drove towards unfamiliar territory, SHE asks "where are we going?" He says..."Sit back and relax....I have alot on my chest and just need a friend to talk to." SHE feels a quick tinge of fear but quickly brushes it off as paranoia. This is her friend...her only friend...so why are her red flags raised? SHE chuckles nervously & turns up the radio. He then pulls into an area with alot of trees. SHE looks around and says nervously..."what's on your mind friend?" He stares at her with a blank look & mumbles "You are." She now knows why her flags were raised yet as a last glimmer of hope she smiles and says..."Stop playin now. I'm listening. What's up?" He reaches over and pushes her seat back. Her reflex kicks in and SHE reaches for the door. He grabs her hand and says..."I'd hate for you to be out there not knowing where you are and how to get home so relax...it's me." He shoves his foul tongue down her throat and forces her bottoms down. She screams, "NO! STOP!!" but the screams are useless...he is determined. He smashes her face with his hands and proceeds to...."talk". The tears stream down her face as he "talks" and reveals to her his "concerns". Once the "conversation" is over he looks at her and says..."I really do hope this doesn't change things between us." I'd hate for you to not have a way to run your errands,get to work, or anyone to talk to at school...you know things like that." SHE just stares at him. SHE decides right then and there to never tell anyone because just maybe SHE did want to and just maybe SHE imagined that it was forced. SHE gets home and the reality hits her like a mack truck. SHE sits on her bed draped in the stench of his "conversation" and let the tears fall. That cry came from within the depths of her soul. A cry so wrenching that SHE ceased to breath for a few seconds. The lesson there was...men and women can't be platonic friends *third link is formed*
SHE snaps out of her thoughts, comes back to the present moment and looks into his eyes and continues to nod vigorously at this guy asking for her trust...hoping and believing that this time may be different...moreso trying to convince herself rather than him. SHE ignores the loud rattle of those ole chains and everynight prays to God to break them. SHE refuses to make every man pay for her past. Something in her keeps pressing forward in hopes that those ole chains will be cut. SHE often meditates on the words..."WOMAN THOU ART LOOSED". Oh the day when SHE comes out of bondage! Her heart will dance! SHE praises her creator within her chains because SHE knows that when the praises go up the blessings come down! SHE knows that if she does what SHE can, her creator will do what SHE can't. SHE knows that without those experiences, SHE wouldn't be the woman that SHE is today. Who is SHE you may ask. SHE is a queen. As a flower in bloom,her beauty is shown. In times of hardship, SHE unashamedly calls out his name....the Alpha AND Omega. Her spirituality is the essence of her individuality. SHE never forgets her past or where she has come from but SHE refuses to allow her past to be her prison. SHE is invincible through her master designer. He created her in his image. SHE holds her head held high despite it all. SHE knows that weeping only endures for a night but joy comes in the morning. Those ole chains are not her master! The enemy thought he had the perfect setup for a setback but God made it her comeback. He used it to mold her into EXACTLY who SHE is meant to be. SHE is fearfully and wonderfully made.

I really hope that this has helped someone. It's time to break those ole chains ladies & gentlemen. Lets continue to uplift each other instead of diminishing one another. You never know what the next woman's story is. Don't add to her "links" Walk in love.

Peace, Love, & Blessings

Nata Bee

copyright © 2011 Renate' Bender