What is love?

As of lately, I've pondered the dynamics of romantic love. Love has the power to either make you feel like you're on top of the world or that the world is on top of you. What's your definition of love? People all over the world strive to obtain it. Some PRETEND to have it while others have actually experienced it or are experiencing it. Some claim to love but constantly disrespect, abuse,etc the person on the receiving end. Some claim to love but find comfort in the downfall or weakness of the person that they love. Upon first reading that, you may say, ok that's too easy to figure out, that's obviously not love but you'd be surprised at how many experience this or demonstrate it through their actions. We have a bad habit of SAYING one thing but DOING another. I know that true & genuine"love" is very hard to come by. I'm talking about the unconditional...unbiased...unselfish...type of romantic love that many claim to have yet their actions speak the opposite. I've known some to say that true love(romantic) doesn't really exist. That it's basically a understanding between individuals who share common goals and beliefs such as kids,culture,etc..  Quiet as it's kept and of course this is an opinion....I believe that if you believe in romantic love and have truly experienced love...that you never truly stop loving a person. You may learn to live without them but I believe that there is always a true,genuine love within your heart that doesn't go away. Now that doesn't mean that you overlook the reasons why the person may not be in your life or that you may want to be with them but I do believe that there is something within each of us that is reserved for that individual. I just don't think it goes away. If it does, I don't think it was love. I think it may have been lust,infatuation, or even just a strong "like". Those feelings fall in the variable category that is often influenced by circumstances. I believe that love is constant. I don't think one can really thoroughly describe love through words but moreso through actions which is why my mindset in the now is, "don't give me a speech...give me a show". In the past, I've often fallen for the "gift of gab" type of men. The talk sounded great but at the end of the day, there was simply no action to back it up. There was always a " I was about to do such and such BUT...". In my teens this swept me off of my feet but as I've gotten older, to be honest it irritates me because I put those "intentions" in the "excuses" & "pipe dreams" files. I'm this way because I know personally that if I want to really do and achieve a certain goal, I don't talk, I just do it by any means necessary. I let my actions talk for me. The men that I've dated, have all seemed to be the same way regarding the "go-getter" attitude when it came to their own personal goals so when it came to a circumstance involving me, I expect the same rules to apply. Of course this isn't a male bashing blog but simply an evaluation of my past experiences with love. They weren't bad guys. At the time, I believe I really didn't value myself enough to believe that I actually deserved the best from them. I didn't say that to them but my ACTIONS did. People, you can say what sounds good all day long but if your actions don't coincide with what you are saying, guess what will speak the loudest? Your ACTIONS. My experiences have taught me to be careful how I set my table because it often determines who sits down at it. Don't be afraid to have STANDARDS, MORALS, & VALUES. Don't be afraid to stand up for these standards, morals, and values. I'm no longer afraid to say up front that a man needs to have a healthy relationship with God, have a stable job, own place, own car, no significant others in any form or fashion, knows and PRACTICES the principles of courtship,the ability to remain CONSTANT in their actions, respect, loyal, honest, great hygiene, open mind, morals, dignity, unselfishness, a mind to back up his words,goals, & be PRO-active. Don't be fooled by the order of those qualities. They're all on the same level for me which is PRIORITY. I feel that as women we often lower our standards to appease the men in our lives. There is a difference between compromise and settling. Settling means going against your core values while compromise is a form of submission or meeting halfway about an issue that doesn't go against core values. Core values include respect,dignity,spiritual relationship,etc.. An example of settling would be dating a guy that you know is emotionally unavailable with the expectation that he could possibly change if you love him enough or dating a guy that's verbally and physically abusive. Those are examples of settling. An example of comprimise is allowing your mate to leave their shoes at the door when you "strongly" feel that they should be in the closet or letting your mate have a guys night. These situations don't go against your core values. Ladies & Gentlemen if you seek to get married & create a family & the person of interest within your life doesn't place that value on the same level as you, please don't settle. Also, if you value family over career, please don't choose a mate that values career over family & vice versa. If this is ignored,It really does create a problem later. I believe the issue that most have in the field of love is that they really don't know what they want. What is your definition of a good man/woman? What is your classification of a "real man/woman"? To touch on my list above, I've personally learned that I like a man that doesn't mind "getting his hands dirty". One that doesn't mind manual labor. One that is actually masculine. I've come across a few "feline" menfolk. Now, this may be wonderful for some women but it's personally a turn-off for me. I personally like a man that can protect me if the need arises. I'm capable of protecting myself but I've been with guys that actually weren't capable of standing up for my dignity. I like the feeling of security with my mate. There's also the priority of being a provider. This is a REQUIREMENT for me. If a man can't be a provider, then his focus surely shouldn't be on a relationship. His goal should be finding a career with an official payroll department. Men please don't even date if you can't afford to take a woman out from time to time. I'm not the type that needs to go out everyday of the week but I don't want to be bashed for wanting to go out to eat, take a vacation or catch a movie more than once every six months. I'm blessed to be able to do this for myself so you should be able to do the same if not more. As a matter of fact you should want to. Have something to bring to the table. I feel the same about women. Women if you don't have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of, don't require a man to drive only a benz when you don't even have a 10 speed bike. Get real! I also love a man that respects their parents. If this is not present,It's definitely a deal breaker for me because trust and believe that a person who doesn't respect their parents, doesn't respect themselves or anyone else for that matter. Ok after saying all that, I'd like to include that noone walking this earth is perfect BUT know what your "dealbreakers" are. If you don't know what they are, change your goal from "finding the one" to "finding yourself". You have to learn to love yourself enough to know who you should keep in your life and stop making excuses for people. As a good friend once said, "Once I know me, I can stop doing what's bad for me":) Anyway, I've babbled long enough. Feel free to give your input if you have any.

Peace, Love, & Blessings,

Nata Bee