The Plan

She stares in the mirror, wondering if this is real

Please Lord PLEASE!!! let this just be another nightmare and not the real deal!

PINCH ME! SHAKE ME!! SCREAM! Some type of feel!!

But the longer she stares and watches the tears fall, it confirms that this is not a drill.

Nope, this is the real thing...a NIGHTMARE...her worst fears!

Her best friend has left THIS world. Here comes more tears.

While her spirit knows that her mama has transitioned to a new life full of peace, beauty, and tranquility that's surreal

Her emotions scream, I WANT YOU HERE!

They scream like a toddler snatched out of it's mother's arms...like a eaglet kicked out of the eagles nest

Wings pinned to her back..falling and gasping for breath

Her heart feels like its been stabbed repeatedly with a knife

The world's color seems to be gone. 

Nothing seems exciting anymore

Everything feels wrong

Her laughs are short lived

Her soul feels torn

She knows she must move forward but how does one do that?

How does she go on?

How does one go forth when everywhere she looks, she's reminded of her mom doing this or that?

How does one continue on when they are so broken and wounded?

Can she really survive this ride?

YES. Her Creator says because I'm on your side.

I know the plans I have for you.

I can do all things but fail.

I am your shield.

I am your Rock.

You know my word.

It is not a fairytale.

My word is true.

I am not a man that I should lie.

You can't & won't figure it all out but TRUST that I am on your side.

My ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts.

Don't be afraid.

I will give you joy for your sorrows and hope for your tomorrows.

I'll give you strength for EVERYTHING that you go through.

You know why?

Its because I know the plans I have for you.

I dedicate this to you mama. I love you so much. I miss you so much but I know that with much prayer and many, many more days & nights of tears, God will continue to strengthen me and I will be able to get through this. I'm pressing through and "bearing down" like you always told me to do when things get painful and rough. I'm glad that God picked you to be my mama. I'm glad that he gave me a chance to hug and kiss all around your face and head and tell you how much I love you and you tell me back. I couldn't ask for anyone better. I'll do my best to make you proud. I'm sure I have alot more inside of me to write because they say the best work comes from a place of pain and heartache so through this extreme pain, I'll continue to write. I'll see you on the other side and we can talk all about it and joke again. ~Nata B.